The Empire Strikes Back (Against the Defenseless)

I remember as a kid being asked, “If you could push a button for a million dollars, but someone in China would die, would you do it?”   I had to really think about that.  There is no way I would consider actually “killing” someone, but pushing a button, and never having to see that person’s face, witness his pain, or know his story as a fellow human being might be different.  When my friends and I pondered that question, I thought about that person having a family, and a life.  What if someone could push a button and do that to me?  So if they didn’t have the right to do that to me, how could I do it, even to a stranger?  Some of my friends had different opinions, saying, “Who cares?  You’d never know the person.  Maybe they were dying anyway… besides, it’s a million dollars!” 

I didn’t have the words to articulate what I know now: that every living, breathing human deserves to live.  That pushing a button to kill someone on the other side of the world is still killing.  And that brings me to drones.

Our warmonger-owned media would love for us to adopt the thinking that some anonymous human on the other side of the world doesn’t matter.  But that is operating from the false assumption that we are not interconnected, and that killing is okay if you don’t have to watch the person die.  A tidy, sanitized death that we don’t have to witness... except we don’t get the million dollars; the warmongers do.

They would like us to believe that the people being killed are “terrorists,” because somehow the fact that they have been thus labelled justifies their murder.  But what makes a terrorist?  For the sake of the drone program, any male over 18 years of age in the strike zone is a terrorist.  So if our government deems you deserving of death via remote control, and your 18-year-old son is home at the time, he is now considered a terrorist too.  Comes in pretty handy when they are counting “civilian” deaths.  Conveniently, this 18 year old is no longer counted as a civilian.  It has nothing to do with terrorist activity, or even knowledge of terrorist activity; it’s all about being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Drones have only an 80% accuracy rate.  If that doesn’t sound so bad, think about how comfortable you would be if the drone was pointed at your next door neighbor.  You are no longer a person if the drone hits your home and kills your family; you are now “collateral damage.”  Every instance of collateral damage means a funeral, means orphans, means people burying their babies, and the trauma of a community dealing with a murder.  In this case, the murderer is not being held accountable.  And for those people who allude to the sanctity of life while protesting abortion, please know that fetuses die in our unethical wars too.

We have a great deal of invisible privilege living here in the U.S., because we don’t have to live in a war zone.  Nobody deserves to wonder if they are going to be killed in a car bombing that day, to be constantly vigilant, to wonder if soldiers are going to kick down their door and drag away their father, or brother, or son to be “interrogated,” yet that is the reality in the countries we are invading and occupying.  This is what we create.  Yet somehow, we call them the terrorists.  The same people who say they don't trust the government don't seem to question the government when it deems a random person across the world as a terrorist.  That is the luxury of living in America.

More people have been upset about the drone program targeting American citizens, but I am upset about the drone program targeting anybody!  Who are we to play God?  If you want to murder someone, at least have the guts to do it to his face, not shoot a missile from the other side of the planet and take out his family and friends.  What kind of cowardice have we produced, and who are these inventors of death, who make their living finding increasingly cold-hearted ways to take the lives of others, while removing themselves conveniently from the situation?

Brandon Bryant, a former drone pilot, now suffers from PTSD.  He quit the drone program, after witnessing the death of a child as the result of a drone he fired.  And that was just a vague camera image in infrared.  He did not have to hear the screams, or see the fear and pain in the child’s face, or witness the grief of the families of the dead.  Nevertheless, the knowledge of his own role in this moral outrage has ruined his life.  As aggressors, we also pay the price of this senseless killing, and it is a blight on our social conscience.  As Howard Zinn would say, “There is no flag large enough to cover the shame of killing innocent people.”  And make no mistake, these are innocent people, even the ones labelled as terrorists.  Isn’t it supposed to be “innocent until proven guilty?”  Have they been brought to trial, have they had a chance to defend themselves, or is this the New American Way… judge, jury, and executioner?  

The Obama administration admitted yesterday that four U.S. Citizens had been killed by drones, one of whom was specifically targeted.  While not excusing the one who was targeted, were the other three an accident?  Why are we doing this?  Today, the President promises to CURTAIL the drone program.  A new classified policy guidance signed by Pres. Obama will sharply curtail the instances when unmanned aircraft can be used to attack in places that are not overt war zones: countries like Pakistan, Yemen and Somalia.  That is not enough.  Every human being on this planet deserves to not be murdered, and a drone murder is still murder.  This must be discontinued.  This is not a video game; it’s human life.  Would it bring you comfort if you were cradling the body of your dead child to be told we had “curtailed” drone attacks?

If you agree with me that this is irresponsible and inhumane, please click on the links below, which will take you to petitions.  Feel free to add your own links if you are aware of other petitions.  As a conscientious American, I cannot defend the drone program in any form.

To ask for further scaling back of drone operations, via Codepink:

http://codepink.salsalabs.com/o/424/p/dia/action/public/?action_KEY=7102

To ask for the suspension of the Customs and Border Protection domestic drone surveillance program:

http://epic.org/drones_petition/

A change.org petition asking for the suspension of drone strikes on suspected terrorists:

https://www.change.org/petitions/no-more-drone-strikes

Here is the link to information about the book, "Drone Warfare: Killing by Remote Control" by Medea Benjamin:
http://www.codepinkalert.org//article.php?id=6064

Waging Peace on Facebook

In recent months, I have noticed a discouraging escalation of rudeness on Facebook.  Not that there wasn’t contention before, but recently, it seems pandemic.

Most of the rudeness involves differences in opinions, particularly around politics and religion.  It’s hard for me to understand how anyone can feel justified in launching personal attacks against others, simply because they disagree.  Disagreement is being viewed as a threat, rather than as an opportunity to look for the commonality and work toward the common good.  Honestly, how can we create peace, if we can’t be nice to each other as individuals?

It’s great that more people are getting political.  What isn’t so great is people becoming more polarized and unwilling to listen to one another.  There is a perception that if someone disagrees with you, they are an ignorant jerk and need to be set straight, and people use this to justify nasty, rude behavior.  Manners are cast aside, as people say things to one another online that they wouldn’t dream of saying to someone’s face.  It’s kind of like the notion that if you are driving down the road in your car, nobody will notice you picking your nose.  They do, and when you are rude online, you are still rude!

The effects of social media on society, and the rules of engagement, are still being defined.  So in the interest of creating a more peaceful environment on Facebook and other social media, I offer these thoughts:

“I can’t hear you because you won’t stop yelling…”

Having a strong opinion and voicing it is great!  However, bombarding people with a dozen angry memes a day, about the same contentious issue (guns seem to be the hot one right now) is not going to make anyone say, “Aha, I suddenly agree with you!”  It’s wise to scan through your posts and see if you notice a general air of negativity.  Others might not want to tell you, especially if you come across as already hostile.  If most of your posts are insulting entire groups of people, those people are not the problem, YOU are.  Which brings me to…

If you can’t say anything nice…

Your mom was right.  I see things literally every day that disgust me on Facebook.  I will NOT go to that person’s page, and make nasty, mean-spirited remarks.  It would make them feel horrible, and bring me down.  I can block that person’s comments and posts, I can politely put up a differing opinion, or if this person is upsetting me daily with their posts, I can delete them.  Insults, obscenities, and personal attacks made grown adults look like elementary students in a schoolyard fight (sorry, elementary students).  Plus, when we make someone “wrong,” we don’t give them the opportunity to change their mind gracefully.

Tell the truth!

And by that, I mean find out if it’s true before you put it up.   Youtube videos of someone ranting do not count as evidence of anything.  If you discover something you posted is false, it’s simple to remove it.  I recently pointed out to someone (off-line) that the hateful quote they posted was attributed wrongly to someone who would never say it.  They left it up because they liked the quote and it supported their belief system.  This is a quick way to lose credibility.

It’s my Facebook, and I’ll post what I want to!  (You are welcome for getting that song stuck in your head.)  Just because I hate something someone posted, doesn’t mean they don’t have the right to post it!  Enough said.

Assume good intentions (toward you and society)

Someone who has a differing political or religious opinion from you isn’t necessarily evil or “trying to destroy America!”  I seriously can’t believe some of the accusations that have been thrown at me, and not even by strangers!   I have plenty of friends on Facebook whose belief systems differ from mine, and yet we are still able to be friends and be kind to one another.  We recognize that we are all good people, who want the best for our country and our world; we just have differing opinions about how to accomplish that.  There's no need to feel threatened by differing opinions.

Let them be “wrong”

I put “wrong” in quotes because (surprise, surprise) we’re not always right!  If I went around “correcting” everyone I disagreed with on Facebook, I’d have time for little else!  I dislike engaging in public, online battles with people.  I like to debate, but respect is the bottom line.  When people say things like, “If you don’t agree with me, you should just move to another country,” I realize I am dealing with someone for whom “winning” is more important than communicating, and I usually walk away from the conversation, rather than waste my time and theirs.  Sometimes it’s best to let it go.

“Delete” is there for a reason

I almost never delete anyone.  My personal style is more to contact that person off-line about something I find offensive.  I’m less worried about what people post to their own page, than something they post to mine.  But sometimes there comes a point when you can see that everything this person posts is annoying and upsetting you... and they have that right.  Doesn’t mean you have to continue to be annoyed.  Sometimes deleting someone is best.   You can still have a relationship them that doesn’t include Facebook.  So...

What’s more important: the issue or the relationship?

In my senior year of high school, I became close with Donna, my guidance counselor.  Donna had cancer, and died shortly after graduation.  About three years later, I was in a failing marriage, and my husband, son, and I were staying with my parents.  My husband and I had a heated argument one day, and to avoid yelling and interrupting one another, we decided to write each other notes.  I dug out an old spiral notepad I had apparently used in high school.  As I flipped through it looking for a blank page to vent on, my eyes landed on the following words: “What’s more important, the issue or the relationship?  Your friend, Donna.”  The argument was forgotten, but Donna’s word were not.  I didn’t remember her having written that in my notebook, but it was her handwriting, and the message was clear: don’t sweat the small stuff.  If you are attacking loved ones for belonging to a different religion or political party, you are forgetting to LOVE them.

Create a drama-free zone

There are better ways to get attention than to vent about every hassle or disagreement in your world… like deal directly with the person who upset you.  Posting angry vents about roommates, spouses, etc. on Facebook is like yelling about your family in the middle of the grocery store.  What better way to humiliate someone, make yourself look like a complete buffoon, and still not resolve the issue?  Take the high road, and remember that once you post it on the internet, it’s there forever.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Isn’t this what it all comes down to?  My friend Deb used to refer to the “Platinum Rule.”  The Golden Rule says to treat others as you would like to be treated.  Not everyone takes kindly to being “corrected,” no matter how politely you try to do it.  One friend might enjoy a little verbal jousting, while another might be completely hurt and insulted.  So it’s not about how YOU want to be treated, but taking the time to get to know people, and understand how THEY want to be treated.  THAT’S the Platinum Rule, otherwise known as empathy.

Um, it’s just Facebook!

And isn’t this the bottom line?  While I really value my peace campaign on Facebook, it’s the daily things we do… reaching out to comfort others, sharing, doing little acts of kindness, that create true peace.  No matter how many posts I put up about peace, if I am rude and hateful offline, it’s pointless.  At the end of the day, if all of your friends are virtual ones, and you find yourself lying awake, worrying about Facebook, it might be time to turn off the computer.  Go visit a real live person, in person, or even pick up the phone and hear a human voice.  See a real smile, instead of an emoticon.  Or actually “laugh out loud” with an actual friend.  You’ll feel better, and you’ll be reminded that while Facebook is a handy tool for communication, it’s no substitute for real human connections. 

Thoughts on Boston

This is an unusual post for me.  Usually I figure out what I want to say, write it out in a Word document, play with it endlessly, then transfer it into the blog.  Tonight, I'm writing directly into the blog.  Not doing a lot of editing, but wanting to get some things off my mind.  I'm talking about the attack in Boston yesterday.  

Everyone was shocked and saddened, and angry.  And that's my point.  The good people outnumber the bad.  It's very easy at times like this to jump to an ugly place and be full of hate.  

We don't have room in our world for fear-mongering and intolerance.  There is enough hate and misunderstanding already.  Let's not jump to assumptions about who did this. The law enforcement will hopefully find and arrest the right party or parties responsible, even though that won't bring back the ones who died, nor erase the trauma of the survivors.  I'm seeing a lot of propaganda out there right now that discourages me... assumptions being made that may do more harm than good.

No matter who did this, they are clearly in the minority.  The world is not a more dangerous place because of people and acts like this.  It is a more dangerous place because of the fear, suspicion, and hate engendered by people believe that people are inherently evil.  Time and time again this has been shown to be the case.

At this point, I am choosing to focus on what is good and right in this world: the people who are outraged and sad about the attack are good people or they wouldn't care.  People rushed in to help, not knowing what they were rushing into and if they would come out alive.  Funds have been set up to help those impacted, and thoughts and well-wishes have poured in from all over the globe.  Tributes are being paid, and support to the community of Boston is coming from all directions.  This demonstrates the basic good of humankind.  The act of horror against innocent people has provoked grief and outrage, and that gives me hope.  Apathy is a very scary thing.

Let's not let this terrorist win.  Let's open our arms and our hearts to others, and keep loving, and keep doing good.  In the long run, it matters less who committed this act than how we respond to it.  If we lose our faith in others, then it has been a victory for the terrorist.  It takes away his/her power when we move forward, continue to breathe freely and love one another.  Yes, there is sadness, and righteous anger.  But we can't let that define us.  

Just like with Sandy Hook, with Columbine, with 9/11, and so many other sad events, let's hold fast to hope and kindness.  Let the good prevail, and love will win.  Love always wins, and peace will prevail.

Peace Within

I have been absent from my blog for some time, as I deal with a family crisis.  I have also been experiencing a bit of a writer’s block as I deal with an internal conflict that has forced me to re-examine my inner concepts of peace: namely, my rage at an individual who has caused grief and chaos to my loved ones.

For over a month I have grappled with my desire to lead a peaceful, non-violent life, while being consumed from the inside out by anger, hate, vengefulness, and a myriad of other emotions.  Ironically, the object of my rage is not suffering; I am.

All of us get angry at times, and I have allowed myself plenty of destructive fantasies involving this person, which I’m pretty sure are not growing my soul in any productive way, although admittedly, some of them have been amusing.

As I have described in other blogs, I see peace as a continuum and we have to address not only world peace, but our own view of inner and interpersonal peace.  There is always shifting and finding balance, and this latest situation has knocked me on my behind.  At the center of my conflict is: how do I live as I believe when I am consumed with rage?  The answer is simple: I can’t.  Any brief satisfaction I have derived from my hate has been more than offset by the knowledge that I am nursing a conflict, one that will destroy my soul if I allow it.  To that end, I have been looking at ways to release my hate for this person, and let Karma, that great equalizer, deal with him.

Here are some of the strategies/thoughts I have come up with: 

1) Focus on that good ol’ Serenity Prayer, about changing what I can, accepting what I can’t, and knowing the difference.  This is at the heart of everything, and I have to reprocess this several times a day. 

2) Deep breathing, lots of it.

3) Recognition that anger is based in hurt, and admitting to myself that I am hurt, instead of acting tough about it. 

4) Reminding myself of the fact that nobody is pure evil (I’m sure some will disagree with that), and that most nasty deeds are performed by someone who is hurting too.

5) In line with number four, reminding myself that if I act in rage from my own hurt, I am no better than the person I am hurting.  A question I ask myself is, “Am I doing this because it will help the situation, or just to make myself feel better because I am mad?”

6) The realization of perspective: that this person and I are both only one person each in a huge world with bigger dramas than mine.  Along with that is running my decisions through that filter of “in the long run,” will this be a good idea?  I have decided not to do several things I had started to do, after running them through this filter.

7) Living well IS the best revenge.  I can move forward, and heal my soul; it is up to him to heal his, or not, as he chooses.  My own hate hurts me.

8) When I focus on what a jerk I feel he is, I am paying attention to him, and that gives him power over me.  Ugh.

9) We are all on our own path, and I just need to live mine with love and honesty.

10) In order to work toward peace, I have to relinquish the idea that I can fix things that aren’t mine to fix, or “get even.”  It’s an evolutionary step backward to entertain these ideas, no matter how appealing and fun they feel at the moment.

Power is an illusion.  I am not empowered when I am raging, hateful, angry, vengeful, even with all that adrenaline.  And let’s face it, adrenaline feels good.  It makes me think I can go in and “kick ass.”  Even if I was successful at getting even with this person, how will that impact my soul?  Am I now more powerful? 

These are the conversations that have been running through my head at 3am, and many of my waking moments.  I am trying to live with integrity, and don’t want to entertain violence or hypocrisy.  It is very distressing when they invade my thoughts; more distressing to me is how I find myself savoring these thoughts at times.  At first I indulged them, but it felt ugly.

Other things I have been doing (by no means a definitive list):

*       Listening to my body

*       Taking my vitamins

*       Being more aware of my needs for sleep and quiet time and rest

*       Letting myself feel feelings without judging them as “bad,” just not indulging all of them with actions

*       Writing

*       Healing

*       Trying to be a good support to family members

*       Getting fresh air whenever I can

*       Assessing what really makes me happy and trying to take time for those things

*       Hugging my grandchildren

The more time I spend on the positive, controllable aspects of my life, the less I will focus on the negative stuff.  While I still have not chosen to forgive this person, and he continues on his path of bad choices (in my opinion), I am working on letting go of what I can.  Like grief, healing and forgiveness do not go in a straight line.  Some days are better than others, and it takes very little for me to revert back to my “I’m going to get that $#^%&$&” mentality… but I’m aware of it, and working on it, and that is the first step.  I’m no angel, and at times I’ve derived real glee from being devious when I’m mad.  But I’m trying to do better, and remind myself several times a day that real power is found in the ability to love people who are unlovable, to forgive those who don’t deserve it, and to never be able to say, “he made me do it.”  Real power is found in free will, and I am working to get that power back because that is what I consider integrity and the root of real peace.  After all, peace isn’t just about tie dye and flowers, it’s a daily intention and a process.  None of us are perfect, but we all keep trying.

If I can’t live my own life in personal peace, I can’t advocate for the rest of the world to do it.  I’d be curious how others find peace in the midst of anger and chaos… what strategies they use, what comforts they find, what wisdom helps them.  I try to read the words of Gandhi and Jesus and the Dalai Lama, and other peacemakers to find my way.

I’m interested in knowing: how do YOU promote inner peace when you are in turmoil, and how do you let go of that illusion of power?

Death of a Terrorist

On May 5, 2005, in Grants Pass, Oregon, a terrorist was killed by his captors, after an 18-year reign of terror.    Aaron Maldonado was a terrorist.  

I have had the privilege of hearing Rev. Dr. Marie Fortune speak; she has often referred to domestic violence as “domestic terrorism.”  It is a very apt term for domestic violence.  Merriam-Webster defines terrorism as “the systematic use of terror, especially as a means of coercion.”  The definition of domestic violence, according to the U.S. Dept. of Justice, is “a pattern of abusive behavior in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power and control over another intimate partner.  DV can be sexual, physical, emotional, economic, or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person.  This includes any behaviors that intimidate, manipulate, humiliate, isolate, frighten, TERRORIZE, coerce, threaten, blame, hurt, injure, or wound someone.”

Over the course of an 18-year marriage, Wendy Maldonado endured the entire gamut of horrific abuse.  Aaron Maldonado raped her; he knelt on her head, in front of their children, until she stopped breathing.  He bashed her head through the walls so often that she covered the holes with pictures her children drew (when he wasn't home, so she wouldn't be beaten).  He knocked out her teeth.  He beat her unconscious while she was driving, and made it very clear he would kill her family members one by one if she ever left him, or tried to get police help. He abused her daily.  He inflicted torture and abuse on their four sons and family pets.  His youngest son reportedly told his preschool teacher that when he grew up he was going to kill his daddy.

On the last night of his life, Aaron’s behavior was so frightening that Randy, his 16-year-old son (the oldest) risked his life and called 9-1-1.  Police were met in the yard by Wendy and Randy, who said everything was okay.  They failed to notice Randy trying to silently indicate to them that his father was watching on a surveillance camera, so they left.  Neighbors stopped the police and begged them to go back, but the police declined.

When this last-ditch effort to get help had failed, Wendy faced the wrath of her husband.  In desperation, Wendy and Randy did what they felt they needed to do to save the lives of themselves, Wendy’s other three younger sons, and their extended family: they killed him.

Wendy called 9-1-1 immediately to report the killing, and was immediately arrested.  Twelve days later, three days after his 17^th birthday, Randy was arrested.  Other than during a ten-month period when Wendy was out on bond, she has been separated from her sons. 

Randy was released from jail on August 8, 2011.  While his brothers, Joshua, Marshall, and Tyler, have been allowed to visit their mother in jail, Randy has not been allowed to see his mother in person for more than six years, because they are co-defendants.  They have only been allowed phone conversations since his release; her release date is March 7, 2016.

On April 27, 2010, Amazon.com released a movie, from award-winning filmmaker Tommy Davis, entitled “One Minute To Nine,” a moving and shocking documentary that uses extensive home footage to chronicle Wendy's story.  It was later picked up by HBO and retitled, “Every F---ing Day of My Life.”

Many people, including me, do not believe that society is any better off, or any good has been served, from incarcerating either Wendy or her son; it has resulted in further traumatization of their entire family.  Her sons have not had the opportunity for a decent life with a loving mother who was trying to protect them.  There seems to be little doubt that killing her husband saved their lives.  Even the judge who sentenced Wendy described their family life as the worst domestic violence case he had ever seen, and expressed sadness over required sentencing guidelines.

In a society that loves to blame victims of domestic and sexual violence, I guess it should come as no surprise that this mother and son were not supported by the justice system, in spite of a grassroots swell of support from people who knew the family.  While any loss of life is tragic, there is a solid case here of a mother trying to save her children’s lives.  If a stranger had threatened her children, she would have been applauded for killing him, but since it’s their dad… she is in prison.

Two of her four sons are now grown and married, having grown up in hell, then losing both parents… one to death and one to the justice system.  This is one of those cases where the law did not uphold justice.  This family has been through far more suffering and pain than most of us can fathom, and yet it continues, because of the justice system’s warped perception that somehow society is safer with Wendy behind bars. 

Right now, there is a major effort underway to free Wendy and her family from the justice system, reunite them, and let them start to heal from a lifetime of trauma.  The person who can make that decision is Dr. John Kitzhaber, Governor of Oregon.  In a few weeks, he will determine whether to grant clemency to Wendy Maldonado, freeing her from jail, or leaving her there for three more pointless years.

YOU CAN HELP.  You can email Dr. Kitzhaber by going to http://governor.oregon.gov, click on “contacts,” then “request assistance or leave a comment.”  You can also call the Governor’s Citizen Main Line at (503) 378-4582.  Either method is equally effective.

To learn more about this case, visit http://www.freewendyandherfamily.com, or learn more about the film at http://www.oneminutetonine.com/faq.  There is more information on both of these sites about ways you can support Wendy and her family, regardless of the outcome of the clemency request, including financial support for legal expenses and the Educational Trust Fund for the Maldonado sons.

Let’s free Wendy and her family.  Justice needs to be served.

"True peace is not merely the absence of tension: it is the presence of justice."   Martin Luther King, Jr.