Thank You Teachers!

It’s Spring Break, a chance for students and teachers to regroup.  Nobody deserves a break more than our teachers.

To my conservative friends

I want to put out an appeal to my friends who are conservative. I know there are some among you who have felt worried about the state of things, who have heard conflicting things about Trump and don't know what to believe.

Finding Faith

This is one of those posts I started and never finished.  It went into a pile of "do laters," along with the ones about Robin Williams, celebrity sexual assault scandals, and police-involved shootings, to name a few.  I started writing about a year ago, about the start of the new year, and my hopes and resolutions.  Then life intruded, and it was put aside.  Little did I know that inspiration to finish would come from Jim Carrey, the goofy rubber-faced comedian known for his bathroom humor.

Carrey was addressing graduates in a commencement address for Maharishi University, and showed an insightful, serious side, sprinkled with humor.  He was profound.   Here's a link for anyone interested in watching the whole thing:  Jim Carrey commencement address

It is well worth your time.

The part that meant the most to me, which has reshaped my thinking, was on faith:  "Oh, and why not take a chance on faith as well? Take a chance on faith — not religion, but faith. Not hope, but faith. I don’t believe in hope. Hope is a beggar. Hope walks through the fire. Faith leaps over it."

What's been missing for me is faith.  Hope has been in short supply as well, but faith has been all but nonexistent for some time.  Maybe I had viewed faith as something that requires a certain set of religious beliefs, and there's a rebellious part of me that defies being told what to believe, or even to believe in anything at all.  In resisting drama, I have resisted faith, for faith's sake, and forsaken myself.

There have been situations in my life that have tried my soul, and denied me peace.  I'm not saying I'm unique; we all have problems.  I seem to be bombarded with the lesson of letting go.  Yet how can you let go without faith?  I'm not talking about the faith that drives people to church on Sunday though I have no problem with that.  I guess it's a faith in life, in the universe, in the big scheme of things... the faith that what is meant to happen will happen, and it will all work out.  There has been no deity handing faith my way, although I'm not an Atheist.  There's just been an emptiness, plodding along daily in an uninspired manner, waiting for something to feel better.  Some people call it depression.  I'm not sure I'd go that far; it's more of a shutting down of spirit, like hunkering down.  Either way, it's dismal.

I knew something was holding me back in my soul, but I blamed it on circumstance.  I listened to Jim Carrey's words and then listened again.  I realized that when I let go of the requirement to deify my faith, a funny thing happened: it began to return.  I realized my faith belongs to me, and I get to define it.

I want a deeper faith than to pray to someone that I get what I want.  I'm trying to be more in tune with the infinite, and the cycles of life, knowing that everything comes around eventually.  Maybe not in my way, or on my schedule, but that's okay.  I don't need to be in control, because something great and infinite is already managing that balancing act.  I have about as much control as a wave on the ocean, which will crash into the shore, then drift back to sea.  A wave doesn't have to worry about cycles, it just is.  A wave also doesn't experience critical thought, which can be a blessing and a curse.

Under the steady fluidity of a wave, obstacles eventually wear away.  If I adopt this philosophy I develop faith, even when things feel hopeless.  It also gives me permission to accept the choices of others, because they're riding their own wave, and it's pointless to control that either.  I have worn myself out when I've tried.

Faith is about more than letting go of control; it's an acknowledgement that I was never in control in the first place, and don't need to be.  There's no point in worrying about outcomes, because I can't do anything more than my best. 

So my goals for 2015 are to let go of the negative, take care of myself, and have faith.  If I can let go of worrying about others' choices, I can grow my compassion, because I'm not personalizing those choices.  So I will move through this year with renewed faith, hope, and compassion.  A tall order, but if Jim Carrey can pull it off, I have faith that I can.  There's a defiance in faith that I can respect.

My wish for everyone this coming year is to find your faith and peace in your heart.

And to the Republic

Yes, I'm going to talk about politics and religion.  I'm very disturbed (and have a very hard time keeping my mouth shut) when I see people who describe themselves as Christians ranting about how everyone should be required to recite the pledge of allegiance.

First of all, reciting a pledge is not going to decrease terrorism, or make someone with terrorist leanings change his/her mind.  Not reciting it is not going to turn anyone against America, or make them any less of a citizen.  And forcing someone to recite something in the hopes they will espouse that belief is simply indoctrination.  The idea to me of a crowd of children being taught, through recitation, blind obedience to their government does not comfort me in any way.  It chills me to the bone.  Most people don't give much thought to the fact that they are pledging allegiance to a particular government.  They just think (because they've been told) that it's the "patriotic thing to do."  Few people question it, but everyone should.

Either it's just words that don't mean anything, or a nostalgic tradition, in which case it's pointless, OR it's a serious commitment of lifelong allegiance.  One's disingenuous and one's dangerous. 

It amuses me when the "uneducated" call me "un-American" because I don't recite the pledge.  Since "un" means "not," that literally translates to "not American," as in, "Anyone who disagrees with me is not American."  Well, last time I checked, I am a legal citizen, born and raised here, and I won't make a fool of myself by acting like a sheep in the name of religion.  I do, however, enjoy this seemingly un-American activity I like to call "thinking for myself."

I'm assuming, since Christ was from the Middle East, that He was "un-American" too, in the same way that I am "un-Chinese" or "un-Israeli," to the best of my knowledge.  People who use the phrase "un-American" are probably trying to say "anti-American," which is a whole different matter.  Their assumption is that anyone who does not engage in the truly obnoxious nationalism they espouse can't possibly care about America.  These are generally very fearful people, who were taught things a certain way, and are scared to death to question it.  Especially if they were taught it by their church.  I'm hoping to dispel a few fears, maybe raise a few eyebrows, and state my case.

Merriam-Webster defines "Christianity" as "the religion that is based on the teachings of Jesus Christ."  I can't possibly imagine Christ pledging allegiance to any government or any flag.  Since Christianity is based on the teachings of Christ, it might be a nifty idea if people actually paid attention to what He had to say.  Take it or leave it, call me un-American, I don't care. 

Over and over, Christ blasts the rulemakers and writers of law, and flouts society's expectations.  Not only do I believe that He would have completely disapproved of the pledge of allegiance, but as protective as He was of children, I imagine He would have been outraged that people would, in His name, subject children to reciting something that was generated as a government pledge.  He exhorted his followers to not divide their loyalties, choosing God even over their own family members.  I'm pretty sure He would have expected them to choose God over their own government.

I've read a little more of the Bible than many people assume.  And the words of Christ show me a man who would be deeply disappointed, even outraged, at the dogma being thrown about as His will, in the name of mind control.  Show me a Bible verse where Jesus exhorts us to pledge allegiance to any government or any flag.  You won't find one.

Far too many people are not aware that the stipulation, "Under God," was not part of the original pledge. It was added in 1952, as a result of widespread fear-mongering.  It was during this same time that "In God We Trust" was added to currency.  It was during the Communist witch hunts.  People inflicted great cruelty on one another and ruined lives and careers, over rumors and gossip.  It was a shameful time.  It hasn't seemed to make a big difference in human behavior to add this to our currency or pledge, has it.  It hasn't resulted in a drop in crime, or an increase in human kindness.  So what was the point?  I don't think Jesus would approve of this mingling of church and state.  He Himself says, "Give to Caesar what is Caesar's and to God what is God's."  (Matthew 22:21)  How did our society become so deluded?                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       
I feel so strongly about this because some people will do pretty much anything if they can be convinced that God is somehow behind it.  And let's face it, some people don't take much convincing.  I see the bigger picture, and it's not pretty.  The whole "God and country" thing leaves me cold.  That is not mutually inclusive, and it insinuates that our country has carte blanche to do anything it wants because it's already endorsed by God.  Now THAT'S scary.

Many people have been misled that America is some sort of holy, benevolent giant.  They seem to believe that pledging allegiance to our government makes them more Godly.  I call it "obedient."  As Voltaire said, "Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities."  I refuse to turn a blind eye to the atrocities that have been committed by our country, and so many others, all in the name of God.  And I certainly will not pledge allegiance to any government or nation.  I'm not ruled by, or addicted to fear, and won't be bullied by any Pharisees.  I humbly submit that our highest common good cannot be accomplished through recited words, but through compassion, truth, and integrity.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

It’s that time again… sigh.  It’s not even Halloween and it’s already starting.  I’m not talking about the early Christmas displays in the stores, or the TV commercials urging us to buy, buy, buy… I’m talking about the silly, pointless, ongoing dispute about what words we are supposed to use to wish someone well during the holiday season.  The ongoing battle between “Happy Holidays” and “Merry Christmas.” 

I feel silly even writing about it (again), but I’m taking a stand on how I feel about this issue, because I know by Christmas, Facebook and everywhere will be deluged with people very upset about which words people choose to be nice to one another.

Here's the way I look at it.  I have dear friends, who are wonderful people, who don't celebrate Christmas.  They may be Jehovah's Witness, or Jewish, or another belief system that doesn't observe this particular holiday, but have their own holiday traditions.  Or they may be Atheists.  Either way, wishing them a Merry Christmas would be like wishing you a happy birthday when it isn’t your birthday; it doesn't make sense.  It also assumes that everyone is a Christian, when everyone isn't.

Here's how I handle it: since most of my friends celebrate Christmas, I wish them Merry Christmas.  If they don't, I say Happy Holidays.  If I'm not sure if someone celebrates it or not, I wish them Happy Holidays out of respect for whatever their spiritual belief is.  To me it's less about political correctness than common sense and respect. 

I also have friends who are really hurting this year; maybe they just lost a precious loved one or for some other reason are going through a horrible holiday season.  They may not want to hear a cheery, "Merry Christmas!"  It may be one more reminder that this particular Christmas is really going to suck.  I don't have a big investment in saying it to everyone.  My goal is to wish others well, not prove a point.

Back in 1941, when Irving Berlin wrote the song, “Happy Holidays,” where were these outraged people?  Nobody was accusing him of anything.  People just enjoyed the happiness and cheer behind the song.  Nowadays everything is a big fight.  If someone wants to be outraged about something on Christmas, it just seems we have better things to be outraged about like, oh I don’t know, kids who go hungry on Christmas, or the fact that our troops are spending Christmas away from their families to kill other people and their children, or those who are abandoned by their loved ones and are lonely and sad on Christmas, or elderly people with no heat.

Christianity has gotten a bad rap over the years because people have forgotten what being a Christian was actually supposed to mean. I’m not even going to get into the fact that Christmas has its roots in Paganism, or the widely held and scientifically supported belief that Christ would have been born in the autumn, not in December, because most educated people know that.  I’m just talking about “Christian values.”  I had always believed that the spirit of Christ embodied tolerance, trust, caring for the sick and elderly, gentleness, and meekness.  It would not be in the spirit of Christ to demand that people use a certain phrase to avoid being considered “less than.”  Christ was a guy who hung out with thieves and prostitutes, and talked about forgiveness and not judging.  What would he think of this silly pettiness?  I personally believe that he would be mortified at this twisting of his values, and in his name, and ashamed to see people judging others based solely on semantics.  Christmas is supposed to be about love, not picking fights.

As for my friends who celebrate other religious traditions, or none at all, I am defensive of them.  This attitude insinuates that they are not as righteous and good as the people who say Merry Christmas.  Not a very “Christiany” attitude, if you ask me.  I am secure enough in my spiritual beliefs that I don’t feel a need to put others down for theirs, and don’t expect the rest of the world to conform to mine. 

And I personally don't care if someone wishes me a Merry Christmas, a Happy Holiday, or Holiday Season, a Joyous Yuletide, an Advantageous Advent, Seasons Greetings, or simply a beautiful day.  If someone takes the time to give me a kind word, I’m just grateful for the love and sentiment behind it.  I don’t assume they are a godless heathen.  Who really cares as long as we are kind to one another?

So regardless of your faith belief, what God you worship, or don’t, where you live, or what words you choose, I wish all who read this joy, peace, and love.

Waging Peace on Facebook

In recent months, I have noticed a discouraging escalation of rudeness on Facebook.  Not that there wasn’t contention before, but recently, it seems pandemic.

Most of the rudeness involves differences in opinions, particularly around politics and religion.  It’s hard for me to understand how anyone can feel justified in launching personal attacks against others, simply because they disagree.  Disagreement is being viewed as a threat, rather than as an opportunity to look for the commonality and work toward the common good.  Honestly, how can we create peace, if we can’t be nice to each other as individuals?

It’s great that more people are getting political.  What isn’t so great is people becoming more polarized and unwilling to listen to one another.  There is a perception that if someone disagrees with you, they are an ignorant jerk and need to be set straight, and people use this to justify nasty, rude behavior.  Manners are cast aside, as people say things to one another online that they wouldn’t dream of saying to someone’s face.  It’s kind of like the notion that if you are driving down the road in your car, nobody will notice you picking your nose.  They do, and when you are rude online, you are still rude!

The effects of social media on society, and the rules of engagement, are still being defined.  So in the interest of creating a more peaceful environment on Facebook and other social media, I offer these thoughts:

“I can’t hear you because you won’t stop yelling…”

Having a strong opinion and voicing it is great!  However, bombarding people with a dozen angry memes a day, about the same contentious issue (guns seem to be the hot one right now) is not going to make anyone say, “Aha, I suddenly agree with you!”  It’s wise to scan through your posts and see if you notice a general air of negativity.  Others might not want to tell you, especially if you come across as already hostile.  If most of your posts are insulting entire groups of people, those people are not the problem, YOU are.  Which brings me to…

If you can’t say anything nice…

Your mom was right.  I see things literally every day that disgust me on Facebook.  I will NOT go to that person’s page, and make nasty, mean-spirited remarks.  It would make them feel horrible, and bring me down.  I can block that person’s comments and posts, I can politely put up a differing opinion, or if this person is upsetting me daily with their posts, I can delete them.  Insults, obscenities, and personal attacks made grown adults look like elementary students in a schoolyard fight (sorry, elementary students).  Plus, when we make someone “wrong,” we don’t give them the opportunity to change their mind gracefully.

Tell the truth!

And by that, I mean find out if it’s true before you put it up.   Youtube videos of someone ranting do not count as evidence of anything.  If you discover something you posted is false, it’s simple to remove it.  I recently pointed out to someone (off-line) that the hateful quote they posted was attributed wrongly to someone who would never say it.  They left it up because they liked the quote and it supported their belief system.  This is a quick way to lose credibility.

It’s my Facebook, and I’ll post what I want to!  (You are welcome for getting that song stuck in your head.)  Just because I hate something someone posted, doesn’t mean they don’t have the right to post it!  Enough said.

Assume good intentions (toward you and society)

Someone who has a differing political or religious opinion from you isn’t necessarily evil or “trying to destroy America!”  I seriously can’t believe some of the accusations that have been thrown at me, and not even by strangers!   I have plenty of friends on Facebook whose belief systems differ from mine, and yet we are still able to be friends and be kind to one another.  We recognize that we are all good people, who want the best for our country and our world; we just have differing opinions about how to accomplish that.  There's no need to feel threatened by differing opinions.

Let them be “wrong”

I put “wrong” in quotes because (surprise, surprise) we’re not always right!  If I went around “correcting” everyone I disagreed with on Facebook, I’d have time for little else!  I dislike engaging in public, online battles with people.  I like to debate, but respect is the bottom line.  When people say things like, “If you don’t agree with me, you should just move to another country,” I realize I am dealing with someone for whom “winning” is more important than communicating, and I usually walk away from the conversation, rather than waste my time and theirs.  Sometimes it’s best to let it go.

“Delete” is there for a reason

I almost never delete anyone.  My personal style is more to contact that person off-line about something I find offensive.  I’m less worried about what people post to their own page, than something they post to mine.  But sometimes there comes a point when you can see that everything this person posts is annoying and upsetting you... and they have that right.  Doesn’t mean you have to continue to be annoyed.  Sometimes deleting someone is best.   You can still have a relationship them that doesn’t include Facebook.  So...

What’s more important: the issue or the relationship?

In my senior year of high school, I became close with Donna, my guidance counselor.  Donna had cancer, and died shortly after graduation.  About three years later, I was in a failing marriage, and my husband, son, and I were staying with my parents.  My husband and I had a heated argument one day, and to avoid yelling and interrupting one another, we decided to write each other notes.  I dug out an old spiral notepad I had apparently used in high school.  As I flipped through it looking for a blank page to vent on, my eyes landed on the following words: “What’s more important, the issue or the relationship?  Your friend, Donna.”  The argument was forgotten, but Donna’s word were not.  I didn’t remember her having written that in my notebook, but it was her handwriting, and the message was clear: don’t sweat the small stuff.  If you are attacking loved ones for belonging to a different religion or political party, you are forgetting to LOVE them.

Create a drama-free zone

There are better ways to get attention than to vent about every hassle or disagreement in your world… like deal directly with the person who upset you.  Posting angry vents about roommates, spouses, etc. on Facebook is like yelling about your family in the middle of the grocery store.  What better way to humiliate someone, make yourself look like a complete buffoon, and still not resolve the issue?  Take the high road, and remember that once you post it on the internet, it’s there forever.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Isn’t this what it all comes down to?  My friend Deb used to refer to the “Platinum Rule.”  The Golden Rule says to treat others as you would like to be treated.  Not everyone takes kindly to being “corrected,” no matter how politely you try to do it.  One friend might enjoy a little verbal jousting, while another might be completely hurt and insulted.  So it’s not about how YOU want to be treated, but taking the time to get to know people, and understand how THEY want to be treated.  THAT’S the Platinum Rule, otherwise known as empathy.

Um, it’s just Facebook!

And isn’t this the bottom line?  While I really value my peace campaign on Facebook, it’s the daily things we do… reaching out to comfort others, sharing, doing little acts of kindness, that create true peace.  No matter how many posts I put up about peace, if I am rude and hateful offline, it’s pointless.  At the end of the day, if all of your friends are virtual ones, and you find yourself lying awake, worrying about Facebook, it might be time to turn off the computer.  Go visit a real live person, in person, or even pick up the phone and hear a human voice.  See a real smile, instead of an emoticon.  Or actually “laugh out loud” with an actual friend.  You’ll feel better, and you’ll be reminded that while Facebook is a handy tool for communication, it’s no substitute for real human connections. 

The Fight Before Christmas

A little poem I wrote that hopefully brings you a smile:

‘Twas the fight before Christmas, and all through the land,

People were shouting and taking a stand.

“Happy Holidays!” “No, Merry Christmas!” they shouted,

As claims of “un-Christian” behavior were spouted.

“You’re taking the Christ out of Christmas!” they roared,

As the actual meanings of words were ignored.

For “holiday” means “holy day” to the Dutch,

And I honestly don’t mind being wished THAT too much.

As for Christ-mass, its roots are of Pagan proclaim,

And Christ never once lit a tree in his name…

So it seems like a whole lot of fuss and ado

‘Bout a “war against Christmas” that hasn’t come true,

But by keeping us all in a climate of fear,

We ensure peace and brotherhood never come near.

And we miss opportunities here with this drama,

To learn more about what we all have in common.

For each major religion has love as it creed,

What they all have in common is God as their seed.

Just IMAGINE what peace and good will we’d create,

If we’d just accept love, and stop acting in hate.

So go Kwanzaa, go Christmas, go Hanukkah too,

Enjoy your traditions, Happy Holidays to you!