Organizing for Peace

What were you doing in 1992?  I was going through a divorce, and on welfare, with three small kids.  I was living in the small rural town where I grew up, and unbeknownst to me, a movement was being born right under my nose.

That year, a group called Oregon Citizen’s Alliance, headed by extreme conservative and homophobe Lon Mabon, proposed a measure designed to deny civil rights to lesbians and gays in Oregon, and all hell broke loose.  Measure 9 said all governments in the state should not support homosexuality - or "pedophilia, sadism or masochism" - in any way and that they "must assist in setting a standard for Oregon's youth which recognizes that these behaviors are abnormal, wrong, unnatural and perverse and they are to be discouraged and avoided."  (The group had already succeeded in 1988 in repealing former Governor Neil Goldschmidt’s executive order banning discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation in state government, via Measure 8.  The 1988 measure also prohibited protection for lesbian and gay workers from job discrimination.  In 1992, the Oregon Supreme Court overturned it, declaring it unconstitutional.)

Although their rallying cry was “no special rights,” Measure 9 was really about no rights whatsoever, not even the right to live and exist in our society.  This created arguably one of the most hotly contested elections in Oregon history.  More people voted in this election than in the presidential election.

At kitchen tables across Oregon, groups were coming together to talk about LGBT rights, and they were starting to organize.  In larger urban areas, it was easier to find like-minded people, but in the small, rural areas of the state pockets of awareness were forming.  Small, isolated towns were forming human dignity groups in response to this attack on our fellow citizens.  I had a “No on 9” sign in the front window of my house, much to the annoyance of my next door neighbor, a very conservative Christian, whose lawn was peppered with “Yes on 9” signs. 

  

Meanwhile, a small group was traveling across Oregon, from kitchen table to kitchen table, connecting ideas and people.  The Rural Organizing Project was born.  By connecting like-minded people who had been geographically isolated from one another, local human dignity groups, under the statewide umbrella of the Rural Organizing Project, banded together and soundly defeated Measure 9.  Many younger people in Oregon have never even heard of the OCA, or Lon Mabon, but those of us who remember will do whatever we must to prevent the hostile takeover of state law and government by hate groups.  Perhaps we should thank Lon Mabon, the creepy little bigot for kicking a hornet’s nest of fair-minded activists. 

In 1993, the Rural Organizing Project held a Rural Caucus and Strategy Session, bringing together human and civil rights activists from all across the state, and the permanent organization was formed.  On June 8, 2013, the 20^th annual ROP Rural Caucus and Strategy Session was held in Woodburn, and for the first time, I was able to attend.  I was honored and humbled to be in the company of people who had spent decades defending the rights of others.  This year’s was the largest ever, with over 160 people in attendance.

I firmly believe that in the absence of justice there is no peace, and there is no peace activism that does not include the responsibility for social justice.  I came away from the caucus believing more firmly than ever before that, while peace rallies are great, every single one of us can be a peace activist every single day.  We all have our niche in which we can create peace through social justice. 

Some of the issues discussed: preventing corporate takeover, treatment of the homeless, LGBT rights, immigration reform, the drones program (and of course war), privatization of public services, fair housing, marriage equality, Guantanamo Bay, self-sufficient living, economic justice, creating welcoming communities, poverty and hunger, youth leadership.

I left with a packet full of information on a variety of issues, feeling empowered and happy.  You don’t have to sign every petition, attend every rally, or march every march to be an activist.  But if you can find something, one thing, that matters to you… that’s where it begins. Everyone who was there had their passion.  I had the privilege of hearing so many voices, and it was overwhelming, but in a good way.

I am hoping, over the next few blog posts, to highlight a few of the efforts taking place, some of the partnerships that are being formed, and maybe some stories of how they got started.  But for now, I’ll simply share the overriding values identified by the Rural Organizing Project… democracy, human dignity, justice, and solidarity… and encourage you to go to their website and learn more:

www.rop.org.

In closing, I will share my all-time favorite story about my dad.  When I was growing up, my dad was not known for his open-minded spirit. He used to remind me of the character Archie Bunker off the TV show All in the Family.  At about age 68, he quit drinking and I saw his demeanor become kinder.  At age 72, he went completely and irreversibly blind from macular degeneration.  In 1992, at the height of the OCA debacle, he was 76 years old and eating lunch with my mom at the local senior meal site.  The discussion turned to politics, and inevitably to Measure 9.  My brave dad, in spite of his blindness, in spite of his awareness that since World War II, he had lived in an extremely conservative community, STOOD UP, and spoke out loudly and boldly to his peers AGAINST Measure 9.  My dad, who I had once compared to Archie Bunker, took one small action that will forever define him in my book as an activist.  I have never been so proud as I was of him when I heard about it from my mom.  He didn't define himself as an activist, but he believed in fairness.

My dad would have turned 98 yesterday.  He passed away in 1994.  For the past 19 years, I have tried to live in a way that would make him proud, but most of all, to be as brave and outspoken about my truth as he was that day.  That one moment changed my perception of him forever, and sometimes all we need is one moment to speak out for justice to create peace.

An Unpeaceful Mind

The 1962 novel, “One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest,” was written by Oregonian Ken Kesey; it was later made into a blockbuster movie, starring Jack Nicholson.  It was filmed right here in Oregon, at the Oregon State Hospital in Salem.  The grim hospital, with its dark, decrepit, smelly atmosphere, made a perfect setting for the film featuring a mental hospital, with very little modification.  I know because I was there.

My mother’s first hospitalization was in OSH in 1969, when I was five.  She was rehospitalized when I was eight, and instead of being shielded from the gory details, I was brought to visit her there.  To this day, I vividly recall the dark, smelly hallways, the silent drooling stares of those strapped into chairs as I walked by, the smell of urine and disinfectant, and the tiny windows in steel doors, which did little to muffle the sounds of screams.  Nobody smiled, not the patients, not the families, not the staff, nobody.  Behind one of those steel doors was my mother, strapped to a table for her safety.  To this day, even after the exterior has had a facelift, those buildings are very hard for me to look at.  I still picture hell inside.

The other night, as I was scrolling through people’s facebook posts, I saw a status that started with, “You are in a mental hospital…”  It turned out to be a “joke,” with a list of things like, “the person licking the windows is…” and you tag your top seven friends to assign them their role in the situation.

I found it hard to find humor in this.  My mother’s mental illness colored my entire childhood, and made finding my way as an adult very challenging.  Not only did she attempt suicide twice, once right in front of me, but her ongoing behaviors were confusing, frightening and embarrassing.  After her shock treatments in the early 70’s, she was no longer the poet, artist, musician and den mother my older siblings knew.  I grew up with a different mom, a strange, sedated, mentally absent mom.  I grew up hearing snide remarks from strangers and seeing people roll their eyes around her, and my violent alcoholic father was unable to help me understand her illness.  Nobody thought to explain to a small child that to “commit” someone meant to put them in mental care, so when family members said they were going to commit her, I was kneeled by her side, sobbing and screaming.  I thought it meant they planned to kill her.

Over the years, other family members have struggled with mental illness and suicide attempts, and each time has brought unimaginable grief to our family.

So when I saw this post, I felt like I had been punched in the gut.  I had to say something; not to would be a betrayal of everyone who has felt this pain and grief.  I will never be able to find humor in jokes about mental illness, no matter how many times I am told to “lighten up,” “get a sense of humor,” etc.

My comment on this post was, “This is about as funny as a concentration camp or a child sex abuse ring.  A mental hospital is a sad and horrible place.”

This drew a flurry of horrified remarks about what a sick person I am and an idiot with no sense of humor, and HOW COULD I??  Comparing it to child sex abuse?  Why that’s horrible and there’s no comparison.

My point was that nobody jokes about child sex abuse.  It’s not funny, and it’s traumatic.  Are concentration camps funny?  No, they are not.  There are just some lines our society won’t cross because it’s hurtful and horrible and minimizes the experience of the victims.

Instead of understanding this, people lambasted me as some sort of pervert.  Since I don’t know them and they don’t know me, I’m not losing a whole lot of sleep over it.  They apparently didn’t see the irony of them attacking me for pointing out something was offensive, because my comment offended THEM.  The person whose post I commented on was hurt and puzzled by my remark.  I felt bad because she is a friend and it was never my intent to hurt anybody.

Perhaps child sex abuse wasn’t the best example, but then again, maybe it was.  As a child sex abuse survivor, I feel a little qualified to understand the pain involved in that situation.  If someone posted a joke about molesting children, I would be the first one to say, “That is not okay, and not funny.”  I hope I would not be told it’s just a joke, and to lighten up or get a sense of humor.

Maybe the best analogy would be a cancer ward.  How many people think cancer is hilarious?  Cancer is something that could strike anyone, at any age.  It’s not contagious but can be hereditary.  Some forms of cancer are particularly difficult to treat, and very deadly.  In any family affected by cancer, the entire family is affected.  It leaves a path of destruction, death, and sadness.  People die every single day from cancer.  EVERY ONE of these statements can also be made about mental illness.   Two major differences: cancer treatments are more likely to be covered by health insurance, and cancer victims don’t suffer the stigma and blame for their illness.  With mental illness, sometimes it’s very hard to separate the behavior from the illness and marriages and families are completely destroyed. 

As with cancer, nobody asks to become mentally ill.  People aren’t made fun of for having cancer, or called names like crazy.  You won’t see people joking about the behaviors of patients in cancer wards, even though the patients in mental wards cannot control their behavior.  Mental illness carries a very unfair stigma in our society, so much so that I was treated like a pariah for speaking out when I saw people laughing about hospitals treating these patients.  Apparently, it’s perfectly acceptable and funny to make fun of others who are sick… if it’s a mental illness.

As a child, I was unable to help my mom, but I can speak up now.  It’s not funny, it’s never been funny, and it will never be funny.  I was disappointed that not one person “got it.”  They were all fixating on my comment about child sex abuse and missed the whole point.  I was the bad guy because I pointed out that the post wasn’t funny, and they didn’t like the way I did it.  While I might have taken more time and more thought to use the cancer analogy instead, they didn’t take time to think about the main point I was trying to make, because they were too busy worrying about how I said it.  They certainly didn’t take the time to worry about being offensive themselves.

I want to stress that this person is a very good person, who helps at-risk kids, and has worked hard her whole life.  Her own family has been impacted by mental illness.  She never meant to offend anyone, and uses humor to deal with her past.  I understand that.  She felt hurt and attacked by my comment, which was not my intention.  I’m not sure I was heard, but I don’t regret saying what I said.  My only regret is hurting a friend.  It wasn’t my intention to embarrass her; I felt I needed to say something.  While my comment wasn’t graceful, it was well-intentioned.

I just hope someday as a society we evolve to the point that we can all have a little more respect.  I might post something I think is hilarious, but if someone points out to me that it’s offensive, I will at least be willing to look realistically at it and be open to criticism.  I might change my mind or remove the post, or rethink the situation.  I know it wasn’t posted with the intention of meanness; it was just thoughtless, and I’ve certainly been guilty of that.  In the meantime, this is a passing fad that will make its rounds and go away.  I look forward to that. 

If you’d like to learn more about mental illness, what it REALLY looks like, here is a great link to a list of common stereotypes about mental illness and the actual facts. 

http://thyroid.about.com/library/news/blmentalmyths.htm

Education is a great weapon against ignorance.

The Empire Strikes Back (Against the Defenseless)

I remember as a kid being asked, “If you could push a button for a million dollars, but someone in China would die, would you do it?”   I had to really think about that.  There is no way I would consider actually “killing” someone, but pushing a button, and never having to see that person’s face, witness his pain, or know his story as a fellow human being might be different.  When my friends and I pondered that question, I thought about that person having a family, and a life.  What if someone could push a button and do that to me?  So if they didn’t have the right to do that to me, how could I do it, even to a stranger?  Some of my friends had different opinions, saying, “Who cares?  You’d never know the person.  Maybe they were dying anyway… besides, it’s a million dollars!” 

I didn’t have the words to articulate what I know now: that every living, breathing human deserves to live.  That pushing a button to kill someone on the other side of the world is still killing.  And that brings me to drones.

Our warmonger-owned media would love for us to adopt the thinking that some anonymous human on the other side of the world doesn’t matter.  But that is operating from the false assumption that we are not interconnected, and that killing is okay if you don’t have to watch the person die.  A tidy, sanitized death that we don’t have to witness... except we don’t get the million dollars; the warmongers do.

They would like us to believe that the people being killed are “terrorists,” because somehow the fact that they have been thus labelled justifies their murder.  But what makes a terrorist?  For the sake of the drone program, any male over 18 years of age in the strike zone is a terrorist.  So if our government deems you deserving of death via remote control, and your 18-year-old son is home at the time, he is now considered a terrorist too.  Comes in pretty handy when they are counting “civilian” deaths.  Conveniently, this 18 year old is no longer counted as a civilian.  It has nothing to do with terrorist activity, or even knowledge of terrorist activity; it’s all about being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Drones have only an 80% accuracy rate.  If that doesn’t sound so bad, think about how comfortable you would be if the drone was pointed at your next door neighbor.  You are no longer a person if the drone hits your home and kills your family; you are now “collateral damage.”  Every instance of collateral damage means a funeral, means orphans, means people burying their babies, and the trauma of a community dealing with a murder.  In this case, the murderer is not being held accountable.  And for those people who allude to the sanctity of life while protesting abortion, please know that fetuses die in our unethical wars too.

We have a great deal of invisible privilege living here in the U.S., because we don’t have to live in a war zone.  Nobody deserves to wonder if they are going to be killed in a car bombing that day, to be constantly vigilant, to wonder if soldiers are going to kick down their door and drag away their father, or brother, or son to be “interrogated,” yet that is the reality in the countries we are invading and occupying.  This is what we create.  Yet somehow, we call them the terrorists.  The same people who say they don't trust the government don't seem to question the government when it deems a random person across the world as a terrorist.  That is the luxury of living in America.

More people have been upset about the drone program targeting American citizens, but I am upset about the drone program targeting anybody!  Who are we to play God?  If you want to murder someone, at least have the guts to do it to his face, not shoot a missile from the other side of the planet and take out his family and friends.  What kind of cowardice have we produced, and who are these inventors of death, who make their living finding increasingly cold-hearted ways to take the lives of others, while removing themselves conveniently from the situation?

Brandon Bryant, a former drone pilot, now suffers from PTSD.  He quit the drone program, after witnessing the death of a child as the result of a drone he fired.  And that was just a vague camera image in infrared.  He did not have to hear the screams, or see the fear and pain in the child’s face, or witness the grief of the families of the dead.  Nevertheless, the knowledge of his own role in this moral outrage has ruined his life.  As aggressors, we also pay the price of this senseless killing, and it is a blight on our social conscience.  As Howard Zinn would say, “There is no flag large enough to cover the shame of killing innocent people.”  And make no mistake, these are innocent people, even the ones labelled as terrorists.  Isn’t it supposed to be “innocent until proven guilty?”  Have they been brought to trial, have they had a chance to defend themselves, or is this the New American Way… judge, jury, and executioner?  

The Obama administration admitted yesterday that four U.S. Citizens had been killed by drones, one of whom was specifically targeted.  While not excusing the one who was targeted, were the other three an accident?  Why are we doing this?  Today, the President promises to CURTAIL the drone program.  A new classified policy guidance signed by Pres. Obama will sharply curtail the instances when unmanned aircraft can be used to attack in places that are not overt war zones: countries like Pakistan, Yemen and Somalia.  That is not enough.  Every human being on this planet deserves to not be murdered, and a drone murder is still murder.  This must be discontinued.  This is not a video game; it’s human life.  Would it bring you comfort if you were cradling the body of your dead child to be told we had “curtailed” drone attacks?

If you agree with me that this is irresponsible and inhumane, please click on the links below, which will take you to petitions.  Feel free to add your own links if you are aware of other petitions.  As a conscientious American, I cannot defend the drone program in any form.

To ask for further scaling back of drone operations, via Codepink:

http://codepink.salsalabs.com/o/424/p/dia/action/public/?action_KEY=7102

To ask for the suspension of the Customs and Border Protection domestic drone surveillance program:

http://epic.org/drones_petition/

A change.org petition asking for the suspension of drone strikes on suspected terrorists:

https://www.change.org/petitions/no-more-drone-strikes

Here is the link to information about the book, "Drone Warfare: Killing by Remote Control" by Medea Benjamin:
http://www.codepinkalert.org//article.php?id=6064

Waging Peace on Facebook

In recent months, I have noticed a discouraging escalation of rudeness on Facebook.  Not that there wasn’t contention before, but recently, it seems pandemic.

Most of the rudeness involves differences in opinions, particularly around politics and religion.  It’s hard for me to understand how anyone can feel justified in launching personal attacks against others, simply because they disagree.  Disagreement is being viewed as a threat, rather than as an opportunity to look for the commonality and work toward the common good.  Honestly, how can we create peace, if we can’t be nice to each other as individuals?

It’s great that more people are getting political.  What isn’t so great is people becoming more polarized and unwilling to listen to one another.  There is a perception that if someone disagrees with you, they are an ignorant jerk and need to be set straight, and people use this to justify nasty, rude behavior.  Manners are cast aside, as people say things to one another online that they wouldn’t dream of saying to someone’s face.  It’s kind of like the notion that if you are driving down the road in your car, nobody will notice you picking your nose.  They do, and when you are rude online, you are still rude!

The effects of social media on society, and the rules of engagement, are still being defined.  So in the interest of creating a more peaceful environment on Facebook and other social media, I offer these thoughts:

“I can’t hear you because you won’t stop yelling…”

Having a strong opinion and voicing it is great!  However, bombarding people with a dozen angry memes a day, about the same contentious issue (guns seem to be the hot one right now) is not going to make anyone say, “Aha, I suddenly agree with you!”  It’s wise to scan through your posts and see if you notice a general air of negativity.  Others might not want to tell you, especially if you come across as already hostile.  If most of your posts are insulting entire groups of people, those people are not the problem, YOU are.  Which brings me to…

If you can’t say anything nice…

Your mom was right.  I see things literally every day that disgust me on Facebook.  I will NOT go to that person’s page, and make nasty, mean-spirited remarks.  It would make them feel horrible, and bring me down.  I can block that person’s comments and posts, I can politely put up a differing opinion, or if this person is upsetting me daily with their posts, I can delete them.  Insults, obscenities, and personal attacks made grown adults look like elementary students in a schoolyard fight (sorry, elementary students).  Plus, when we make someone “wrong,” we don’t give them the opportunity to change their mind gracefully.

Tell the truth!

And by that, I mean find out if it’s true before you put it up.   Youtube videos of someone ranting do not count as evidence of anything.  If you discover something you posted is false, it’s simple to remove it.  I recently pointed out to someone (off-line) that the hateful quote they posted was attributed wrongly to someone who would never say it.  They left it up because they liked the quote and it supported their belief system.  This is a quick way to lose credibility.

It’s my Facebook, and I’ll post what I want to!  (You are welcome for getting that song stuck in your head.)  Just because I hate something someone posted, doesn’t mean they don’t have the right to post it!  Enough said.

Assume good intentions (toward you and society)

Someone who has a differing political or religious opinion from you isn’t necessarily evil or “trying to destroy America!”  I seriously can’t believe some of the accusations that have been thrown at me, and not even by strangers!   I have plenty of friends on Facebook whose belief systems differ from mine, and yet we are still able to be friends and be kind to one another.  We recognize that we are all good people, who want the best for our country and our world; we just have differing opinions about how to accomplish that.  There's no need to feel threatened by differing opinions.

Let them be “wrong”

I put “wrong” in quotes because (surprise, surprise) we’re not always right!  If I went around “correcting” everyone I disagreed with on Facebook, I’d have time for little else!  I dislike engaging in public, online battles with people.  I like to debate, but respect is the bottom line.  When people say things like, “If you don’t agree with me, you should just move to another country,” I realize I am dealing with someone for whom “winning” is more important than communicating, and I usually walk away from the conversation, rather than waste my time and theirs.  Sometimes it’s best to let it go.

“Delete” is there for a reason

I almost never delete anyone.  My personal style is more to contact that person off-line about something I find offensive.  I’m less worried about what people post to their own page, than something they post to mine.  But sometimes there comes a point when you can see that everything this person posts is annoying and upsetting you... and they have that right.  Doesn’t mean you have to continue to be annoyed.  Sometimes deleting someone is best.   You can still have a relationship them that doesn’t include Facebook.  So...

What’s more important: the issue or the relationship?

In my senior year of high school, I became close with Donna, my guidance counselor.  Donna had cancer, and died shortly after graduation.  About three years later, I was in a failing marriage, and my husband, son, and I were staying with my parents.  My husband and I had a heated argument one day, and to avoid yelling and interrupting one another, we decided to write each other notes.  I dug out an old spiral notepad I had apparently used in high school.  As I flipped through it looking for a blank page to vent on, my eyes landed on the following words: “What’s more important, the issue or the relationship?  Your friend, Donna.”  The argument was forgotten, but Donna’s word were not.  I didn’t remember her having written that in my notebook, but it was her handwriting, and the message was clear: don’t sweat the small stuff.  If you are attacking loved ones for belonging to a different religion or political party, you are forgetting to LOVE them.

Create a drama-free zone

There are better ways to get attention than to vent about every hassle or disagreement in your world… like deal directly with the person who upset you.  Posting angry vents about roommates, spouses, etc. on Facebook is like yelling about your family in the middle of the grocery store.  What better way to humiliate someone, make yourself look like a complete buffoon, and still not resolve the issue?  Take the high road, and remember that once you post it on the internet, it’s there forever.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

Isn’t this what it all comes down to?  My friend Deb used to refer to the “Platinum Rule.”  The Golden Rule says to treat others as you would like to be treated.  Not everyone takes kindly to being “corrected,” no matter how politely you try to do it.  One friend might enjoy a little verbal jousting, while another might be completely hurt and insulted.  So it’s not about how YOU want to be treated, but taking the time to get to know people, and understand how THEY want to be treated.  THAT’S the Platinum Rule, otherwise known as empathy.

Um, it’s just Facebook!

And isn’t this the bottom line?  While I really value my peace campaign on Facebook, it’s the daily things we do… reaching out to comfort others, sharing, doing little acts of kindness, that create true peace.  No matter how many posts I put up about peace, if I am rude and hateful offline, it’s pointless.  At the end of the day, if all of your friends are virtual ones, and you find yourself lying awake, worrying about Facebook, it might be time to turn off the computer.  Go visit a real live person, in person, or even pick up the phone and hear a human voice.  See a real smile, instead of an emoticon.  Or actually “laugh out loud” with an actual friend.  You’ll feel better, and you’ll be reminded that while Facebook is a handy tool for communication, it’s no substitute for real human connections. 

Thoughts on Boston

This is an unusual post for me.  Usually I figure out what I want to say, write it out in a Word document, play with it endlessly, then transfer it into the blog.  Tonight, I'm writing directly into the blog.  Not doing a lot of editing, but wanting to get some things off my mind.  I'm talking about the attack in Boston yesterday.  

Everyone was shocked and saddened, and angry.  And that's my point.  The good people outnumber the bad.  It's very easy at times like this to jump to an ugly place and be full of hate.  

We don't have room in our world for fear-mongering and intolerance.  There is enough hate and misunderstanding already.  Let's not jump to assumptions about who did this. The law enforcement will hopefully find and arrest the right party or parties responsible, even though that won't bring back the ones who died, nor erase the trauma of the survivors.  I'm seeing a lot of propaganda out there right now that discourages me... assumptions being made that may do more harm than good.

No matter who did this, they are clearly in the minority.  The world is not a more dangerous place because of people and acts like this.  It is a more dangerous place because of the fear, suspicion, and hate engendered by people believe that people are inherently evil.  Time and time again this has been shown to be the case.

At this point, I am choosing to focus on what is good and right in this world: the people who are outraged and sad about the attack are good people or they wouldn't care.  People rushed in to help, not knowing what they were rushing into and if they would come out alive.  Funds have been set up to help those impacted, and thoughts and well-wishes have poured in from all over the globe.  Tributes are being paid, and support to the community of Boston is coming from all directions.  This demonstrates the basic good of humankind.  The act of horror against innocent people has provoked grief and outrage, and that gives me hope.  Apathy is a very scary thing.

Let's not let this terrorist win.  Let's open our arms and our hearts to others, and keep loving, and keep doing good.  In the long run, it matters less who committed this act than how we respond to it.  If we lose our faith in others, then it has been a victory for the terrorist.  It takes away his/her power when we move forward, continue to breathe freely and love one another.  Yes, there is sadness, and righteous anger.  But we can't let that define us.  

Just like with Sandy Hook, with Columbine, with 9/11, and so many other sad events, let's hold fast to hope and kindness.  Let the good prevail, and love will win.  Love always wins, and peace will prevail.